I overheard a saying the other day that bothered me greatly. I have chosen to review this saying in an effort to understand the evolution, meaning and effects of a saying such as this. Sometimes people casually throw out little quips like this with no regard whatsoever to the actual meaning or social consequences that can occur from repeating an ill thought out colloquialism. I intend to rectify this…

SAYING: “I have to pee like a Russian Race horse” (a word was changed in an effort to maintain the self-imposed PG-13 rating of ZwebbyVille)

ARGUMENTS: Now, I am not much of a country boy, but I have seen a horse or two relieve themselves. They do, indeed, tend to water the flowers with extreme force and pressure. So I can understand the basis for this saying. But why would a race horse be so exalted in the urination category? And then why would a Russian race horse be even more glorified? Is this some snide discriminatory allusion to the vodka consumption stereo-type that has befallen our Russian friends? Has someone actually lined up a test model of race horses of different nationalities and done a study? And if they did, what were the test categories? I can think of a few different ways to measure this; like volume, or pressure, or even distance, but I think we need more information before we just arbitrarily crown the Russian race horses as the undisputed champion, don’t you?

Now, don’t take any of this as a negative attitude towards Russians. Even though eight years of my life was spent in a submarine trying to avoid these guys, I have no ill feelings towards them whatsoever. If the saying involved a Spanish race horse, all the same questions would remain. And I personally love the Spanish. I just have a hard time with anyone getting a reputation for being something they haven’t proven. Perhaps, a few Russian race horses would like to step up and take a challenge. We could invite a race horse or two from every country; let’em have a big ole keg party and give them till say… 10 PM to build up a good head of steam, so to speak, and then time them to see who wins. We could even throw in a few regular horses that have no inclination or ability to race and see how well they compare. I think it would be very fitting if, say, a Norwegian plow-horse took the title! Of course, then all the Russian horses would complain that the test wasn’t “scientific” enough or that they were discriminated against because the “control group” was not made up of the proper percentage of race horses versus normal horses or something.

And, then again, who would want a bunch of drunken Race horses in one room? Can you imagine the mess? I personally have never partied with these guys, but from what I hear, they can get pretty wild! And the stories they tell! “I remember the Harkness back in ’02. There was this filly in the paddock who…” blah, blah, blah… they just go on and on… And mixing all the Nationalities would probably lead to a scene reminiscent of one of those soccer game riots…So, I don’t know… Maybe it doesn’t bother anyone the same way it does me… But I really think there are enough think-tanks out there that someone should be able to come up with a definitive solution…

Until tomorrow… I have to go to the bathroom like a… oh never mind…