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November 29 Curious effects...OK… I was afraid of this… As Mayor, I had mixed feelings about being featured on the “What’s Your Story” reality show. I love all the new people coming into town! This will do wonders for our tourism this quarter! But its effects on the ZVillians is what I was concerned about. And, apparently, for good reason… As soon as David Byrne from ZV-TV rolled into town it seems like everybody I know started acting crazy… At lunchtime I asked Gilbert if he would like to accompany me… I was told he was too busy interviewing people to be his personal make-up artist and hairstylist for when he got ‘discovered’… So I walked out onto the streets of ZwebbyVille and almost ran right over Harry. He was dressed in his newest barber smock and our conversation was a strange one indeed… “Hey Harry! Wow! These sidewalks sure are busy today, aren’t they?” “Absolutely, Mayor. It becomes difficult to envisualize the arboretum in light of all the foliage.” “Uh… do you mean it’s hard to see the forest for the trees, Harry?” “Shhh, Mayor! I am trying to get these TV fellas to see how many smarts I got!” “Ohhh… ok… I see… I think… But I’m curious, Harry, how do you think that’s going to help you?” He just laughed his big ole belly laugh and walked away saying, “Mayor… surely you know that a curious mind is fatal to the feline…” I just sorta shook my head and walked into the Subway. I had to stop and talk to a few newcomers to Town which was fine because it put me perfectly into Optimum Line Position (in case I haven’t ever mentioned this before OLP at Subway is when it works out so that the chubby kid is the one who makes your sandwich instead of the skinny one… this way you get a much bigger sandwich!) The place was pretty busy and there were at least 4 or maybe 5 people in front of me. So during my wait my mind started to wander a tad. I wondered how many days in a row could you eat a Subway sandwich and have something different. I was never good at computing this kind of stuff in school and with all the practice I have had since then I am obviously less good at it now… So I did the next best thing… When I got home I went to www.subway.com to see if they had it on their website somewhere. The answer is 2 Million. You could eat a different sandwich every day for 2 Million days… I really can’t explain why, but that disturbs me a little... Maybe I should listen to Harry… curiosity is not always a good thing… November 28 ZwebbyVille! What's Your Story!Welcome to ZV-TV’s latest addition to our programming schedule! I’m David Byrne, host of the new reality show “ZwebbyVille! What’s Your Story!” where ZV-TV delves deeply into the daily reality of living life in this small Midwestern Town. Some would say it is virtually impossible to live here without being bored to death by the mundane existence that small town life offers. But ZV-TV thinks that after spending a week in ZwebbyVille and meeting all of its residents, you will change your minds… First of all we would like you to meet the Mayor of ZwebbyVille. Mayor Russ is the single father of two boys. He also has a job which requires him to travel and be away from ZwebbyVille quite often. In early December of last year he stumbled across MSN Spaces and, in a moment of sheer boredom, thought that sharing the happenings of his little town would be a fun, therapeutic way of keeping himself busy. Introducing all of the characters has been a delightful experience for him! To run a small town, however, requires more than just one politician. The Town Council has two Aldermen who are responsible for many of the stories that appear in print about ZwebbyVille. Alderman #1 is Gman, Russ’ 13 year old son. Gman is the quiet, somewhat reserved oldest son who is happier being in front of a PS2 racing game than in front of a cheering crowd of adoring sports fans. He is truly creative and someday he will probably be an architect or an engineer of some kind but, for now, he handles his responsibilities for his Town Precinct admirably. Alderman #2, Cman, is the 11 year old youngest son who goes to bed dreaming of playing at least one professional sport if not two. Whatever Gman is, Cman is the exact opposite. He is the type of kid who always has his Instructors at Alderman Training wrapped around his little finger by the end of the first week. Since the Aldermen can’t be in town all the time, we also have the chance to meet a few of the other residents of ZwebbyVille: Dr. Hans Von Glutenschnapps is the Town therapist. Russ isn’t sure how good a therapist he actually is, since Doc seems to have more phobias than the rest of the town combined, but he still visits him regularly and enjoys the visits… most of the time… Harry, the Barber of ZVille, is the Town Gossip. His barbershop is the center of everything in ZwebbyVille from Russ’ Presidential Campaign to the meeting point for the various town clubs. You wouldn’t realize it from his small 4’ 10” frame but Harry is a real ladies man… And the last character we will be following this week is Russ’ IF (imaginary friend), Gilbert O’Sullivan. He doesn’t spend much time in ZwebbyVille since he is Russ’ traveling companion on the long trips. Unfortunately, Gilbert tends to be a little on the slow side and sometimes gets distracted by shiny things but Russ keeps him around for the entertainment… Those will be the main people we will be highlighting this week on this new reality television show. Our hopes here at ZV-TV are that you will come to know and love this little town as much as we do. We will admit that some silly and crazy things happen in ZwebbyVille but the Producers think the reality of this virtual town may be just what our viewers need to momentarily forget the realities of their own… even if it’s for just a few moments… If you are a first-time visitor to ZwebbyVille, please see the Welcome Center in the left column for further information. You will learn the Town Slogan is Where Everybody Knows Your Name… For ZV-TV, my name is David Byrne and we truly want to know yours! February 28 And the Cat won...The Sheriff called me at about 4:30. Seems like we had had some trouble-makers in town and he just wanted to let me know about them. The Town Council was out of town and it had been a slow day for me so I decided to go down to the Jail and check these hoodlums out.
When I get to the Jail, I see Manny’s Mom in one cell and, sure enough, there in the other cell was Manny himself! Both of them were snoozing away, Manny in what I call the ‘Sphinx’ pose, and I thought to myself, “Oh goodness, this isn’t going to be pretty!”
I knock the Sheriff’s legs off his desk which brings him out of his slumber. At first he goes into a tirade about who would be waking him up in the middle of the day like this but then he wakes up enough to realize who it was. “Mayor,” he says with the deep voice of sleep, ”uh… what are you doing here?” I told him I had just come down here to the jail to meet his prisoners. Then I asked him to explain to me why he had the infamous Manny the Cat locked up with his Mommy in the other cell.
“Well, Boss, I found these two good-for-nothings stretched out on the front steps of the Post Office cat-napping in the sun in the middle of the day and arrested them for vagrancy.” Our Sheriff reminds me of a little of Sheriff Lobo from the Dukes of Hazard, except he’s not quite as bright. “Sheriff,” I sarcastically replied, “sort of like I just found you doing right here in your office?”… “Well, Boss, I wasn’t in public in the broad daylight though!”
I could tell I wasn’t getting through to him. Since ZwebbyVille was set up to appoint a Sheriff rather than elect one, I was sort of stuck with this guy since someone in his family had been Sheriff in ZwebbyVille since the day it was founded. Most of the time I found myself stepping in to maintain the law and order in Town and letting him think it was his idea. “Tell me the whole story, Sheriff”
“Well, these two come be-boppin’ into town in a bright yellow Hummer with the bass thumpin’ and the chrome wheels spinnin’… That one,” he says pointing to Manny, “has his sunglasses way down low on his nose and a look in his eyes like he owns the place, and, after checking out the whole town, park their rig and start walkin’ round. Next thing I hear, they had stretched out on the Post Office steps and started cat-nappin’ so’s I arrested them right away and brought them here.” The grin on his face made me realize he thought he was the cat who had eaten the proverbial canary… no pun intended…
About this time I hear Manny’s Mom stirring from her little jail-house nap and starting to spout one legal case after another about improper incarceration and constitutional rights and all other manner of legalese that I start to get worried about the Town’s liability in this matter. Face it, our Sheriff hasn’t always been known for his hardened criminal catching abilities…
I walk over to the cells and ask Manny’s Mom and Manny himself if they’d like to have a cup of coffee with me at the diner. Manny lazily stretches and acts like this whole event is a daily occurrence for him while his Mom starts berating me about citizens rights. You’d think, by the way she talked, she was a lawyer or at least involved with law somehow…
Two cups of coffee, a Danish and an apology later… the two of them climbed back into Manny’s yellow Hummer. This was quite the rig by the way! You’d think he was popular enough to be named to Best of MSN Spaces or something by the way he acted. The only thing missing was the typical posse…
As they drove out of ZwebbyVille, I thought to myself, “If that cat could talk I bet he’d have quite a story…”
(continued on www.manohmanny.com)
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