Well, ZwebbyVille is still standing and in one piece…

There is always just a little bit of apprehension when I first get back into town and cross the town line for the first time. Afraid I’ll find that the streets are all messed up or the Treasurer forgot to pay the electric before I left and all the light poles will be dark…

But, once again, all was quiet on the ZwebbyVille front… almost too quiet…

I was going to hunt down the Sheriff to get caught up on everything that had happened while I was gone but the drive back was a long, slow one that left me too tired to deal with the Sheriff and his moods. So, instead, I swung through Harry’s Barbershop, sure that he knew more about the Town’s goings-ons than the Sheriff anyway.

Harry was true to form.

As soon as I walked in, he fired up his motor-mouth and talked till my ears started telling my brain that they had had enough and were demanding that we leave immediately or they would start dropping every ‘T’ from every word. I’m not sure what it would be like trying to sort out what people were saying if your ears refused to hear all the ‘T’s but I am pretty sure it wouldn’t be fun. So I made up a silly excuse about needing to do laundry and left Gilbert there in the Barbershop. I swear Harry only took two breaths the entire time I was there.

The biggest thing Harry told me is that the Sheriff has been a little neglectful of his duties lately. Seems he has gotten hooked on watching re-runs of Judge Judy all day. Harry says it’s because the Sheriff has a crush on her. I hope that isn’t true because that’s just… well… a little disturbing… While I am home this time, a confrontation with the Sheriff is probably in order but I sure don’t look forward to it.

Harry also said that Doc has been annoying everyone. I guess Doc has gotten it into his head that his life will not be complete until he has a chance to start a Slow Clap. You know what I mean… in the movies when the guy finally gets the girl or the Main Character makes some speech and then one guy starts the Slow Clap. He keeps clapping real slow till everyone finally joins in. Well, Doc thinks this is some sort of honor so he has been running around Town jumping in every chance he gets and tries the Slow Clap. Harry says the ZVillians are so annoyed that they turn and run when they see him coming. I suppose I’ll end up talking to him too…

Harry himself is doing fine. He will be closed most of this week because it’s time for his annual “fishing trip”. All of us know he’s not actually going fishing because when he leaves town he never takes his fishing tackle and he’s all gussied up in his finest little suit and tie. It’s the only time we ever see him wear a tie. For all his talking skills, he sure is tight-lipped about whatever it is he’s ‘fishing’ for…

Speaking of being ‘gussied up’… doesn’t there have to be a verb to make an adjective? How can you ever be gussied up if there is no way to gussy? I guess you just go straight from normal to gussied up without any gussying. I have been gussied up before but don’t remember gussying. And is there a way to be gussied down? Why is it always up?

Ok… I better go get gussied up for my meeting with the Sheriff.

Judge Judy?? Come on…

The ZwebbyVille Tourism Board met again today to go over the ad that will be used to promote tourism in Town this summer. We had originally written the ad and I thought it was pretty good. Then we shipped it off to the Town Attorney and he made some slight changes. There was a lot more ad copy and a lot less disclaimer when we sent it to him. See what you think:

Visit ZwebbyVille!

***DISCLAIMER***

The town of ZwebbyVille is not responsible for anything that may or may not happen to you while visiting ZwebbyVille. For example: Should you trip over a crack in the sidewalk outside of Harry’s Barbershop and break your ankle, the Town of ZwebbyVille will be held harmless and deemed not responsible in any way for any expenses and or damages that are incurred due to your own stupidity or clumsiness. The phrase ‘Visit ZwebbyVille!’ is in no way meant to be construed as an order for you to actually visit ZwebbyVille. Any and all actual visits to ZwebbyVille shall be of the visitors own accord and expense and ZwebbyVille will not make any claims that the town demanded that you visit. The exclamation point used in the phrase “Visit ZwebbyVille!” is not a trademarked symbol of ZwebbyVille. It is solely an exclamation mark that is used in normal everyday English to convey excitement and/or emphasis. The attorney who wrote this disclaimer would like to go on record that he tried to get the ZwebbyVille Tourism Board to remove said exclamation point but they were too pig-headed so now we have to also say that the exclamation point is not meant to guarantee that any visitors to ZwebbyVille will actually experience any excitement or emphasis. The town of ZwebbyVille is unsure as to how a visitor may experience emphasis anyway. But if you do experience either excitement or emphasis, it is purely happenstance and, while happy for you that you did, ZwebbyVille will not guarantee that you will. On the other hand, if you experience too much excitement and/or emphasis, ZwebbyVille cannot be held responsible for that either. Your level of experience is completely circumstantial and is your own responsibility. Also, when entering town you may see the Town Sign and its slogan “Where everybody knows your name”. This is not to infer that everybody in town will actually know your name. While every possible effort will be made to learn your name, the whole town of ZwebbyVille will not know your name on your first visit. This attorney has also warned the ZwebbyVille Town Council against using this slogan due to possible litigation because of it, but, once again, they refuse to change it to the suggested “Where some people, those that you have told your name to and have a good memory for names and faces, may possibly know your name or at least be able to recall your name on a short term basis but cannot be held responsible if for some reason they cannot” This attorney realizes the suggested slogan does not have the same marketing appeal but it would be much easier to defend should litigation be commenced. And finally, should you actually visit ZwebbyVille because of this ad, the Town surrenders none of its rights to sue you for any and all violations of Town Codes, Policies, Laws and/or Dog Poop Pick-up Regulations.

***DISCLAIMER***

I wanted to run this by all of you to get your opinion. I am not real legal minded and I thought the disclaimer was a little overkill but the attorney says there is no such thing…

I am on a newsletter for ex-military and got this today. Click here to see something that I think is just really awesome!